I wanted to share a comment that my friend made on FB today, before she regrets it & takes it down. I believe it needs to be shared to remind us of how to act in these times. Rarely, do people share their feelings about the days leading up to a loss. I’m going to print this out & put it in my prayer journal. I would hope you’d do the same.
Her family has recently gone through the loss of her father, even though he was a devote Christian that has gone home, it’s hard for those that experience loss. I won’t share her name here, just know the family is loved and deeply appreciated.
She writes:
It could be that my emotions are still “raw” and I might regret posting this later or maybe it’s good to express this while it’s still fresh on my mind. I’ve learned some things over the past month and would like to just express my “take” on things. I’d like to post some “to do” and “not to do” things when someone’s loved one is dying. Sure I get it. You care.
But some common sense needs to apply.
When you choose to visit the home of a terminally ill person, keep your visits VERY short. They likely tire quickly and want to rest. Please leave your children at home. Even the best behaved kids get restless. The family of the ill person needs to be focused on their loved one, not on keeping your children entertained, fed, and out of trouble.
Look at the clock. Please time your visits so that you are not interrupting a meal…and consider that at a time like this, meals might not be at regular times.
Please refrain from recounting the experience of your loved ones’ deaths. That isn’t really very comforting. Once a person enters the “actively dying” stage, don’t just pop in at your convenience. Call ahead to ask what would be a good time to visit.
When a person has been moved to Hospice, visit ONCE and say your good byes. While in a Hospice room, please keep your voices low and limit the number of people in the room to 1 or 2. If you want to laugh, joke, and fellowship, kindly take it to the lounge area. Your visit should be to comfort the family and you can do that without being in the room of the dying person.
If you REALLY want to do something to help, don’t SAY is there anything you need? We likely will say no. Just DO something. Go mow the grass or sweep off the porch, offer to take the car through the car wash. One of the best was a huge basket of snacks and fruit (and a scheduled call for delivery) Breakfast food, paper products, water bottles, soda pop have all been “different” and very much appreciated.
Kindly be careful what you put on Facebook. Let the family be responsible for making announcements…when they are actually true.
After the passing, give the family time. The days between the death and the funeral is a busy and difficult time. Save your visits for a few weeks down the road when the reality sets in and the person is now alone.
Love to all whose whom are going through the loss of a someone they love. It’s a challenge that we will all face from time to time & it’s hard to know the proper etiquette.
Also, I would like to remind everyone that it is still the LAW to stop for a funeral procession, please do show your respects for the suffering family members.
Thank you & God Bless.
Metcalf Family Mews 