Don’t Change Him — Love Him

Self-Evaluation. I love & hate reading and rereading old journal notes, Study Guides are the hardest; especially when you realize that 21 years has past, since you had made the note, things are still the same.

I’ve been taking a long look at how I’ve changed (or not) over the last few years; seemly not for the better either. I just read a line that I had written in an old study guide, under a section on “The Male Ego,” Q: What is an “unsafe subject” in your house? A: Religion. Only one word written, which in and of itself was odd for me. I tend to talk a subject to death.

I didn’t date the quiz, but the next page says, next to Q: #6… he would dress differently. A: “’92 He has greatly improved because I buy all of his clothes.” (Guessing here, that I should have said, I pick them out). Followed by 2 “buts,” yep, there’s always a “but” in every plan. I think that is what ultimately gets us.

The carrot was next to a list of things you’d want your spouse to change, next to #8 I had unlined “church.” …Pyrrhic victory. Any change a wife forces on her husband is at best temporary. Alexander Pope once said, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

So, love your husband as he is — faults and all — and trust God to deal with him as HE wills. I did notice that I had primarily noted his faults – not my own. Which in and of itself, says a lot about mine.

A question is then asked, “List here specific things God has shown you in this lesson. Pray about them.” I have two different responses. One immediate and one when we revisited this at the end of the study. My immediate response was: Realize many problems are my own fault. (Wow! I can’t even believe that I had written that.) Later after completing the study, I wrote, “I have to support Anthony in every aspect of his being to fulfill mine.

I know, I can hear every feminist on the planet screaming right now, but if you had taken this study, you’d know they were trying to instruct us on how to relate to one another equally and on an individual level. Understanding each other as an individual, then as a couple.
I think many marriages fail because we think that if we try hard enough, we can make them into whom we want them to be, not whom they really are. As we try and do with our children, but that’s an even deeper subject.

Lastly, I had written, “Respect his ever changing personality and include his differences, not as a joke, but as part of who he is. (Yes, I wrote that. In my own handwriting. I know right!)

I don’t know if I need to set some “New Goals,” or just try and live up to my old ones.

It’s very hard to change long term because circumstances change everyday. New problems – old problems; people!

Reality check: Do I need to change?

Just thinking out loud today.

 

It’s Our 31st Wedding Anniversary

…today and we will celebrate another year of being not just husband and wife, but best friends.

I hear people say they aren’t happy in their relationship, and I find it really sad. You should feel as close to and know your spouse as well as you do yourself.

There will always be hard times and disappointment in every relationship, but with your commitment to each other comes great responsibility to that other person. Love that person more than you love yourself and they’ll then return it the same way. Support each other and be happy together.

I love my life and I love my husband. He allows me to be me. In every way I choose and in all the ways that I’ve changed. No one stays the same person they married. I’ve also heard it said, that a persons personality changes every 9 years. So we must adapt ourselves to those changes, not only in ourselves but in each other. Let the other person feel what they’re feeling at the time, even if we don’t agree that’s the right way to handle it. Respect is key here.

I started to write my husband some corny poem, and give him the traditional watch (he’d never wear), but it wasn’t how I was feeling today. He knows that I love everything about him. I may not like all the things that he does nor he I yet, it’s through our commitment to each other, we bare it.

I have a fount of useless information about classic muscle cars and he has a working knowledge of gardening, not that he will ever do it, but he helps when I ask and that’s all I can ask of him.

So, I am looking forward to our next 31 years with the same enthusiasm (maybe even more so) and commitment, than the first thirty-one. I wrote him a love note when we were dating and I told him, “That I’d love him for life… because nothing lasts forever.” I know now, that it’s commitment that makes everything last, and that is forever.

Happy 31st Anniversary… I love you, Hun!

ah… don’t worry, it won’t last 6 months! lol

Making commitments generates hope. Keeping commitments generates trust. ~ Blaine Lee

 

Have a Very Happy Sweetest Day!

I wanted to wish each and every one of you a very Happy Sweetest Day.

And, to my beautiful niece Teresa Ann and her adorable husband Chris that were married on Sweetest Day, but unfortunately it doesn’t fall of the same day every year, so its really tomorrow… I say, “Celebrate twice… Happy Anniversary!”

Anthony will be taking me to the Cheesecake Factory today, to celebrate our day and life together.

Love to you all and may you have a wonderful day with someone you love.

Best Wishes,
Sheila Jean Adkins Metcalf

Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words. ~ George Eliot

 

Imperfections

that imperfection is perfect – I talk a lot about the little things in a marriage, that make it memorable and this little video says it better than any words I could have ever expressed. It’s a new commercial that takes a humorous look at marriage from a grieving widow and how much she will miss the little everyday things that made her life with her husband special.

Make today a day of sharing stories about your life that your partner doesn’t know about yet.

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What little things will you miss?

 

Spend Some Time Alone

I found a very nice article that basically says what I want to say about this subject on a blog called Word of Wisdom and I wanted to shared it with you and to keep it later reference. Here is her post:

Most people keep themselves extremely busy throughout the day. They make so much time for others that there is no question of spending time with themselves. There is no time for thinking. Even when they are by themselves, they clutter up their ‘alone’ time with the presence of the cell phone, computer, TV, iPod and other such gadgets. Due to not having time alone, they become very annoyed and unpleasant, and fail to pinpoint the reason.

Society also seems to suggest that a person who enjoys being by himself is ‘weird.’ Being a loner is considered unhealthy. The fact of the matter is that unless you spend time alone, you don’t really find out what you are all about, and who you really are. When you are with others, you put on many masks. You are a boss, a worker, a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a sister, a brother, a wife, or a husband. It’s only when you are by yourself that you start peeling away all the masks and get in touch with your true identity. When you remove yourself from friends, family, coworkers and society, you discover who you truly are.

Spending time alone provides an opportunity for reflection on matters beyond everyday living. I am certain that the Wright brothers could not have come up with ideas about flight if they had not spent hours and hours alone. Einstein surely could not have come up with the theory of relativity without a lot of thinking in private. A world leader deliberately secludes himself from everyone to think matters through. A general needs time by himself to strategize.

You may not be a world-leader or a general in a war, but you still need to regroup your thoughts and strategize your life. For that, you will have to spend time alone.

Yours,
Didi Ji

Let there be spaces in your togetherness. ~ KAHLIL GIBRAN

 

Its not a secret…

that I love all kinds of music… I dance to the beat of a very different drum. Classic Country, Southern Gospel, Classic Rock, Pop, Easy Listening, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s or 90’s or whatever I decide to leave the station on…No matter how tired I get, I try to start each day with a little music. I believe music is good for the soul.

It’s also no secret that my hubby and I use music to flirt with one another, we have for 30 years now. I’ve embarrassed him more than once on the job site when Rod Stewart [Hot Legs] came on the radio and I decided to hit the button on my Nextel Phone and play it for him… usually at the wrong time.  Once he was standing in front of a customer and they both just cracked up laughing.  Sometimes he’ll lay his phone down and some poor guy standing there; will end up taking the call and say, “Anthony… your wife’s at it again!” lol

Let me tell you that it’s so much fun, just to let them know that you’re thinking about them. He once played, Can’t Roller-skate in a Buffalo Herd while I was shopping with our youngest son Steven at Dick’s Sporting Good’s for football cleats.  I was standing in the shoe department, filled with people, and my purse was buried in the bottom of the cart and singing that stupid song. I was so embarrassed but our son just shook his head.  Its a fun thing to do… but we never forget to stop our day, whenever Conway Twitty comes on the radio, and sings our song… it doesn’t get any better than that!

Take a few minutes each morning to think about the people you will encounter today and what each of you brings to the table.  You can’t know what they’re going through, to or coming from. But you can share a little song, good or bad it will lighten the mood and join the heart.

Go ahead try it!

Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind. ~ Eric Hoffer