Wednesday Vivre: eHate

Intense moments. With all the memories…

The Urban Dictionary defines eHate as the opposite of being admired or loved on the internet. Also unofficially defined as “one to be hated by an online community or subsidiary.”  I’m guessing that Webster didn’t think it relevant to add(yet).

Now, for me, simply being too old to care anymore and being on both ends of that definition from time to time. Facing a never-ending battle with a few relatives, attacking myself in the past and other cousins on a daily basis, I felt the need to address the eHate. Mean spirited emails and social media attacks, for no other reason than to be mean. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy a solid debate, and have myself, on occasion, have been guilty of a snippy remark or two. We all have. But for some people, they want to take it to the Nth power.

When someone apologizes and you except that apology, let it go. You can’t except it, then in bring it back up in the next sentence.  Marlene Dietrich was quoted as saying, “Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.” I think she meant that for everyone.

I wouldn’t even approach this subject today if it were about me. A cousin has undergone, numerous attacks from her biological sister, via the net aka online. One she can’t avoid. The eHate doesn’t stop there. This person goes out of the way to attack any post by anybody that the post-person dare be happy or cheerful in the subject matter or Lord forbid, have a differing opinion. Shock waves. [Block you – Block me!] This takes “Blocking” to a whole new level; not just for sweaters anymore.

Social media was not intended to be used as a weapon of mass destruction. It is however, sadly upgrading itself to that level. I want to challenge each person to think before they make what they conceive to be a joke or a jeer/slam remark or comment. Think: What if this we directed at me? How would I feel? Maybe it would hurt, maybe not, just think first. What is the purpose? Who would benefit?

Social Media like Facebook and Twitter should be like our dining room table. Enjoyable for the entire family. Yes, we can make jokes, reflect on turning points and voice our opinions as a right of passage and as American Citizens, but not to act “Superior” as to make others feel less relevant.

What should we never discuss over polite dinner conversion(Social Media)?

1. Politics
2. Religion
3. Finances
4. Sex
5. Medical Issues

Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty and guilty. We’ve all done it. Maybe not all five, but some I’m sure. These subjects are best left for a heart to heart with only the people that are directly affected or effected(taking the problem to the source). That’s why we have best-friends. Siblings. Parents. Neighbors(close neighbors). We’ll cover that some other time.

I know you’re thinking that this post isn’t what this blog is all about, its not, it’s about FAMILY. Mine in particular. When one member is hurting, its our job to join ranks. Help where we can. Know when to climb onto our soapboxes and know when we’re only throwing gasoline on the flames. I love the term, “stirring the pot.” I wish I had coined it. I think it sums it up nicely.

We’ve all experienced hardships, health issues and dealt with losses.

Social Media is to help us feel connected with the outside world. Not isolated. Do you worry about what’s going on – disasters, wars, politics, and so on? Connect with the Pages that are geared to those issues. You’ll find no loss on the net for that kind of debate. Leave the inbox’s, Family Walls & IM chat rooms free of eHate and debate.

As a genealogist, I’m always curious as to what has brought you to this place. Let me ask us…

What preoccupies you? What do you mostly think about? If you let your mind wander, where does it go? Do you tend to worry about things, or is your mind fairly calm and placid? What upsets you?

Do you often think of the past? If so, what do you think about? Do you tend to remember a wide range of people and events in your life? Or do a few keep coming back? Do you recall good times, or bad times? Mistakes or successes? What do you regret?

Do you think about friends, relatives, and others you’ve forgiven? Did you reach a point where you no longer wanted to carry ill feelings, and the best way to move beyond them was simply to forgive someone? Did anyone forgive you?

How do you spend your time? What do you do on a typical day? How do you fill your time? What do you like to do? What’s a typical morning like? A typical afternoon or evening?

Recall your most intense moments and events.

When did you feel forgiven? Remember, you don’t forgive someone for his or her sake – you forgive them for your sake.

Life is an adventure in forgiveness. – Norman Cousins

 

6th Day – 360 days left

Week One of 2012 – how are you doing with any resolutions/goals?

I wasn’t really on board with a massive new diet plan … although I really needed to be. The one thing that I never thought I’d ever be was fat. Well now that I’m a size 12, it’s a reality. I’m practically living in my pajamas these days. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, when actually, lounging around in some comfy j’s for at least a good part of one day on the weekend this time of year will do your soul good. I just can’t make it a lifestyle.

My friend Jonna has started a new dieter/support group for her friends and she has drafted me to take part. I’m still a “maybe,” until I can be fully committed. I don’t like to do anything half way. I still love to cook and eat a little too much, but I’m sure I will be getting real serious here… real soon. Or tossing out last years shoes won’t be the only wardrobe changes I’ll be making.

I saw a column that said,” Shop for a brand new workout outfit. Even if you don’t workout, use it as an alternative to jeans and sweaters on the weekends. If you are committed to working out more in 2011, this will help keep you motivated. Add a fresh pair of sneakers for the gym and waterproof boots when you wear it as street-wear.” I took that one to heart. I was gifted pajama jeans for my birthday in October, and I love them. I recommend them to all my friends.

Well I probably own 15 workout outfits that I don’t ever put on. I used to do yoga three or more times a week. I loved it. I have no idea why, but I just stopped completely two years ago, and gifted all of our fitness equipment, so I may start a class, as soon as I can find one close to home. I need to set a realistic goal for myself and reach it.

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Another was: I had told myself I was going to read the bible through again this year. It’s really a wonderful and rewarding experience. I’ve done it now, so many times, but it always seems new. I’m not a huge fan of some of the newer translations, but I still read them, just to gain a new perspective, but always go back to my KJV – to me it reads like poetry. That is a constant on my Resolution list – To read my bible more. I may never take that off. Reading is probably my only vice. So if I’m going to indulge, it may as well be in a really good book. I love my old Thompson Chain, but to be honest, with age, I can barely see the words anymore. I may need to get a copy for my eReader real soon; Pitiful.

That may be on my new Christmas Santa Baby list. I’m trying to keep my splurges to a minimum this year (not withstanding all of the birthday and Anniversary gifts), but I did want to add a few new things to the house. A new china pattern for one, it’s like junk food for a dish hound. (That only makes sense, if you are one). Okay, okay maybe have two vices.

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I’ve been regretting a remodeling decision that I was talked out of a few years back by my husband and late brother-in-law. If decide to do something – trust me – I’ve gone over it in my mind a thousand times, I should have never let someone tell me that’s not what I should do (resale value – like I care). A home is the way you live in it, it may not make sense to others, but I live here and it’s what should have been done. I realize that more and more everyday. So my goal is to revisit my original house plan. I may be under some serious destruction here real soon. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

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Do you feel like your plan is solid & helpful? Have you had some rough spots already (it’s okay to admit it; anything worth doing is going to be challenging at times)? Tell us your successes &/or challenges, & get some moral support from the rest of us!

Christmas is a bridge. We need bridges as the river of time flows past. Today’s Christmas should mean creating happy hours for tomorrow and reliving those of yesterday. ~ Gladys Tabor, Still Cove Journal

 

Fabulous or frazzled Friday…

With this being the next-to-last weekend before Christmas, I’m feeling a bit frazzled, but I’d prefer my Friday to be fabulous. I’m going to take a few minutes & look over my lists (check them twice!), prioritize. That, some deep breathing, and a chocolate, peanut-butter, banana shake should help those feelings fade. What are you going to do today to make your Friday a little less frazzled & a little more fabulous?

The traveller, however virginal and enthusiastic, does not enjoy an unbroken ecstasy. He has periods of gloom, periods when he asks himself the object of all these exertions, and puts the question whether or not he is really experiencing pleasure. At such times he suspects that he is not seeing the right things, that the characteristic, the right aspects of these strange scenes are escaping him. He looks forward dully to the days of his holiday yet to pass, and wonders how he will dispose of them. He is disgusted because his money is not more, his command of the language so slight, and his capacity for enjoyment so limited. ~ Arnold Bennett

 

Saturday Vivre

As you know that when I say, “Vivre” that it means life with style.  With that said, it’s hard to imagine house work “with style,” no matter how pretty the apron. But I do try!

As I was trying to organize my day, my week and my month, since today is the 1st of the month and make the final plans for my 50th (intimate family “tea style”) birthday party at home in Party Central aka our attached garage. I couldn’t find my mop. I also, didn’t think it prudent, that I should Swiffer my garage floor. The mop is here somewhere, just have no idea what someone may have needed it for, to remove it from its rack, but worse than that, they didn’t put it back. No matter, I’ll just run and get me a new one. It’s about time for a new one anyway. Does anyone know a good Stanley sales person? It’s either that or the Dollar Store. I have to purchase some new toothbrushes for each of us and discard the old ones anyway; might as well make it a twofer.

The list was a long one today, so I’m pacing myself. I seem to tire a lot faster than I used to. Cleaning the gutters & the garage is on the list for today, and I’m thinking that one if not both are completely out of the question.

I have no idea as to how all of these chores… this entire list, hit on the same day. Just to name a few: Rearrange the family room furniture; Organize shoes & handbags in my closet; Add RidX to the Septic Tank; data backup (luckily, I have that programmed & it will even clean & run the system restore for me to create a new system restore point on the 1st of every month, can’t beat that); Ro-Lin Farms – Mulch 855-4128 $85.00 ($35.00 per scoop – 2 scoop minimum) $10.00 delivery fee. This doesn’t include all the daily chores that have to be done or those that are in red.

How did this happen? I’m only one person. People still seem to think that I’m some kind of conglomerate or company that employs 50 people, but nope, it’s just me. I wish I was Martha; she has a ton of assistants. I should see if she could lend me one for a few days, just until I catch up. I will admit that our lawn is maintained by a service – he’s just one guy too, but it’s not Anthony. Anthony will pay to have it mowed, so that he doesn’t have to. I would mow myself, if he’d pay to get the house cleaned every week! Deal?!

Anthony works too much (and he really does) to help around the house (so he reminds all the time, he has never helped out before – so I doubt if he’ll start now – unless I have it about 99% complete anyway). He’s at the Pumpkin Run in Owensville, Ohio today; buying or selling or both. It’s the Fastiques annual car show & swap, so that makes the gutters, virtually out of the question. Unless, and it’s seriously doubtful, that I’m going to get the ladder out and have at it myself. It’s probably… not going to happen. If I had the energy to that, I’d paint the bathroom, foyer and front door, weed and start planting more spring bulbs. Not enough hours in the day.

We (me & party central) survived three birthday parties last week and when mine is done, no more until the middle of November. Yeah. I need the rest and will play a little catch up.

I’ve asked for a “SIMPLE” family birthday party. I chose the 50 and fabulous there, seemed more than fitting (insert chuckle here). I just want relax and enjoy turning 50 (half of a hundred) with my immediate family. It should be lots of fun and less stressful for me.

Just have to get the day to day things done now… complete my To Do list. I do appreciate all of the requests this week, except for the one I deleted about guitars. Most are on hold for a few more days, please bare with me, at least until I get this last party over with. Thanks

I want to move the dance floor to the other side of the room, that’s a big job, but I guess, I can add it to the list (bigger chuckle here). Just my luck, I’ll end up throwing my back out moving it and will hate it, then have to move it back again. This may require a little more thought.

I should Windex the windows and wipe the switch covers while I’m at it (and no, I’m not indorsing any products, here – I just happen to have it saved to Outlook that way). I just read it and try to get it done. I get some serious satisfaction when I check the box, COMPLETE! It’s being held accountable by an unbiased program that makes me nuts. It can’t yell at me for not getting it done, but it will go red, which is basically the same thing if it’s not done, and that’s what does it! I knew that going 50 meant going RED, but it wasn’t supposed to be in Outlook (sigh)!

It wouldn’t be so bad, had I not let so many things go in order to plan for these spa, birthday parties and the wedding. I’ve got every shade of pink, black & white coming out my ears (not literally). I’ve been washing glassware from daylight to dark for a week now. It must be cleaned before and after every party, some even during, and I keep buying more. You think that’s not a job? I do love the “Crystal” cycle on my dishwasher, it’s the only cycle that doesn’t leave white streaks on my dishes. I’m not sure why, but I may start using it for all my dishes.

I’ve said all of this, just to say one thing, “I’m HAPPY!” and raspberries to all of the people that have criticized me, my hobby (which is “History,” family history to be more specific), and my research this past month. I have a LIFE, a real one, complete with family, friends and obligations. I clean my own house, love to cook and to eat, and care for all those whom enter here.

It is to them that I owe my due diligence. If I make a mistake or don’t like something, I’ll just change it, but I love my life, so there is little to change. I’m happy with the way it has turned out. I don’t mind turning a fabulous 50. As I said before, “I’m half way through a life well lived.” I have a handsome husband that loves me, more than he does himself; he allows me the freedom to be me, to make mistakes, reminds me of the things I may forget, and loves me for all of my quirks, for which I am eternally grateful. I have beautiful children and lots of gorgeous Grandchildren; biological, adopted and foster – few can tell, or even know, which are which. I love them all.

What more could a woman ask for?

Last week, my Facebook status read, “…wants a Tom Jones CD and pajama jeans for her birthday. Lowered expectations!” Its not that I don’t really want anything, I just go get it. I have more than most could expect to get out of this life, maybe even more than that. It’s not monetary or worldly goods, or even things that you can see that make me happy – but the things that matter the most to me, is my family and everything that comes with it. I don’t see chores as demeaning to me, but rather satisfying, it may not be to you, but we don’t all want the same things out of life. Someone has to vacuum, clean the oven and icebox – why not enjoy it?

If you ask me, I have it all. I don’t need a big production for another year lived, regardless of the number. I do wish that and much more for you, and twice as much as that, for my Grand’s.

Turning 50 isn’t a bad thing; to me… it’s a reward. It is a wonderful life!

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances but a certain set of attitudes. ~ Hugh Downs

 

Sunday Vivre

A Motley Assemblage…

Is what I fondly refer to my old research notes as… I’ve been going over some old posts and hunting for or trying to remember references and dates, that have no purpose,  no rhyme, no reason.  Lots to look over.  I thought it odd that one strange, off the wall post, had received the most looks, that had little to do with what I do, except under my daily life, was a simple question, one that to this day, I’ve not answered.  The question was, What is it costing you to be out of balance? hum…  A simple rhetorical question, one is left to ponder.  I doubt that anyone can know. Its easy to answer that question for others, but this is a personal one.  Its harder to look inward. I guess, that’s when we should look upward.

Ida South’s Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake  received 3151 looks. I guess, a lot of people love mayonnaise cake.   Me, not so much. Ida loved to bake, I loved her Mexican Wedding cake, the recipe is here as well. Teresa Ann loved her Chinese Wedding cake. I may bake a cake today. I used to bake a lot. I should go back to that, but not good on my new diet.

Tomorrow is Decoration Day or Memorial Day, whichever you should decide to call it,  I hope everyone has a wonderful and peaceful holiday and if you do, please thank a Serviceman.

This day also coincidentally is my own late father’s birthday. He would have been 77 years old. I have a lot of people to remember and saddles to add to tombstones. I wish I’d had time to place them today, that’s just a small part of a long busy day tomorrow.

I have more old notes and leads to track. People to look up and see what I can find, undiscovered about old family memorabilia. People want to know more about…

1. nathaniel adkins 1750 viriginia
2. hezekiah a. adkins,sr.,1759-his portrait,
3. “portelia adkins” Telia Adkins
4. adkins family reunion in charles city virginia
5. peter fugate maryland

So do I, so I better get back to it.

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Excellent in any pursuit is the late, ripe fruit of toil. ~ W. M. L. Jay

 

Me & William V

Happy Friday the 13th everybody…

I was trying to track down some leads on the blogs popular searches this week, but as always, it only adds to my curiosity.  No matter whom I was looking for, my mind kept coming back to William V. Adkins.

Although it was nice to see that someone wanted my recipe for tostada de carne asada – Its not one of my favorite dishes, please enjoy it and toss me a line to let me know what you thought of it.

Here was this weeks top search list:

• harrison howard kentucky
• mitha pender history
• “reuben valentine pieratt” or “reuben valentine * pieratt” or “pieratt, reuben valentine”
• tostada de carne asada
• “amos metcalf”

Nothing new or more to report on any of these. I’m not really in the Pieratt loop, so I’m not sure who to ask. I do know some locally, but for some reason they seem distant. If anyone should know anything more than I have posted before, please do let know.

My main focus this week was on William V and how he effects me. I know you’ll think me crazy for having a daily constant with a man born in the 1600’s or believe that he could have any impact on my life whatsoever, but some how he does.

I couldn’t be here today without him, although I’m more than equally as sure that he may never have given his lineage or me a second thought, but I’d like to think he did.

No one ever sits back and thinks about where his or her progeny will be in 100 or 200 plus years. This week, I’ve been exploring that as a possibility, or do I even dare, a probability? What I’d say to my 12th generation great-granddaughter or grandson? How would my life ever effect theirs, other than the fact, had I not come years before, he/she would not even be a possibility. What will she look like? How tall will he be? Will she have my hair color? What college will they attend? I hope in some strange way, they will resemble me, although WE will never have the moment of knowing.

A misnomer is an incorrect or unsuitable name or term for a person or thing, like when you call a guy Bubba, or Humphrey when his real name is Guy Beau, but it should also apply to those uncertain peoples names, those that came before or those that we have no idea as to what they were called, kind of like Monarch or Patriarch.

Its too funny, I got called all kinds of things, growing up, my Grandma Phebie called me Shella, she even wrote it in cards. I’m not sure what she wanted me to be called, but a rose by any other name. I answered to it; still do actually, since most of my dad’s family still say, “Shella” (Shil-lah)

My Grandma Dorothy, called Craig and Mandy… Greg and Mindy, until the day she died. She always said that the name Mindy, was her favorite name. It didn’t matter how many times that I tried to corrected her, that’s what she called them. She even wrote that in their cards, as well. Its a Grandma thing I guess. Personally, I love to be called Gram, but that’s neither here nor there.

William V Adkins/Atkinson was that person, some people insist that his Surname was Atkinson instead of Adkins, because it was common then, to add son to a father’s surname as apposed to junior or whatever, it was Adkins all the same.

I can imagine that he was called many things, by many different people. Dad or Pop by his children and Grandpa or Papaw by his grandchildren, or maybe just Pa by everyone. Various nicknames and surnames, it all adds to the confusion. I don’t know why we can’t except people’s names for whatever they choose to call themselves. We could add it to their death certificates, maybe as as waiver.

I’m sure in his day he also encountered all of the same name calling and injustices that we face today, just on a different scale. In some ways are lives are so much easier than in his day, but in many ways, worse. I love being called Mom and Grandma, I rarely ever hear my given name. Very few people feel the need to use it.

We have parallel lives, centuries apart, I do want to believe that he got up every morning and had his coffee, while sitting across the table from his beloved Elizabeth, maybe even calling her by a pet name. I call Anthony – Hun, most of the time or butt-head when it seems to fit, but all in love.

Every couple has their hard times and good times, slow times, warm and cold times, they’re ups and downs. Some simple day’s and well other days that let’s just say, aren’t worth getting out of bed for. The changes and challenges that every couple face, the same uncertainties of life, and love.

He may have had times in his life that he had plenty and times of want, but I want to believe that with all the things that they didn’t have, that they had each other.

He must have worked the fields everyday; sowing and reaping. Talking to friends and neighbors, maybe going to church, doing the everyday things that no one give a second thought. I know he must have felt the pressures that every man feels as a son, a brother, a husband, a father. How will I pay the bills, or when looking into the faces of his many children and asking himself, “How will I put shoes on all of these children’s feet?” He must have kissed boo-boo’s and doctored wounded knees; as any parent would.

This is how I see William V… as a man. One who lived long before me. It was only through his existence, that I do exist and for this I will always love and appreciate what he means in my life and in my lineage.

I will never understand all of the Native 1/2 this and 3/64ths that or how one could ever be a full blood anything, when all of those that came before us, were from so many various places and nationalities. I guess, this is why I can’t see how one race can put themselves above another or one can feel less a sense of who they are? When in fact, we’re all mingled, in decades and eon’s of family DNA from thousands of ancestors down through the years and will will continue to mingle. I bet, not that I ever bet, but if you tossed all of them one big pile, you could see that for as many ways that we are different, we are, so alike.

So, while I sip my coffee and read and study even more old paperwork, trying to see some glimpse into moments of his daily life, I want to believe that in that instance, he will live on.

I am a little superstitious, whether I want to admit that I am or not, I think everyone is, just a little, but I was raised around it and I know you’re not supposed to talk of the dead this way. I don’t think that I’m trying to raise the dead here, I’m just giving back a little love, respect and admiration to the life of someone, who gave it to me. He’s not just an excerpt from some old archive, he was a living, breathing person, whom sired a great many generations and hopefully, many – many more to come.

When you look into my eyes, you will see me and William V.
May God rest his soul.

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Superstition renders a man a fool, and scepticism makes him mad. ~ Henry Fieldingwhoo