it seems like the more tragic the loss, the more it stays to the front of your mind; ever present in your thoughts, always reasoning as to the “whys – of it all”. It’s easy to deal with the loss of a loved one after a lengthy illness but when loss comes sudden or just too soon, it’s quite a different story.

You know that I lost my mother as a teenager from a car accident on our road. They say most accidents happen within 10 miles of your home. It was even closer than that. Her loss has been the biggest void in my life. There is nothing that can compare to your mothers love… Nothing!

I know she too, lost her mother young (they were the same age at the time of their deaths) she talked about her mother, the same way I do mine.  The loss is greater than a mind can absorb.

I don’t want to dwell on the negative here. She added so much positive to our lives as children. I could not have asked for a better mother. Her death effected each of us in a very different way. It troubled me for a very long time. My older sister Shirley suddenly stepped up and decided to be everyone’s mother and she still checks on each of us almost daily. She sends all birthday and anniversary cards; to everyone. I tried it for 6 months and its a lot harder than you can even imagine.

She makes sure that all the kids have everything they need. She buys and food clothes, constantly. Trust me she isn’t rich, but she spends like there’s no tomorrow when it comes to our kids. She only had one daughter and her daughter has fits about it sometimes, she fusses far too much. Especially when you realize that she is sick the majority of the time. I don’t know why she feels this is her responsibility.  I guess, she feels they were cheated out of grandparents.

My older brother Ralph has a mind like a steel trap. He remembers every finite detail of every thing that we have ever done. So I’m sure for him, her loss may be more than anyone’s.  My dad was tough on Ralph. He worked hard our entire childhood. And my dad treated him like they were the same age. Dad took Ralph everywhere with him. That really wasn’t good. Mom was his refuge. He loved her chocolate fudge and when he was in the military he would ask her to send it. Which she did. My mom made great chocolate fudge. Mine has never turned out like hers; ever.

My sister Sharon (hates for me to talk about her on the web – she’s a very quiet person that likes her privacy, so please don’t tell her I mentioned her here) was always overly emotional as children, she would start crying hysterically before she was to be sentenced for her latest crime. My mom would feel sorry for her and not punish her, so my older sister and I would get in really big trouble. I tell my kids, “This is not the person I grew up with… she’s old now and trying to get into heaven.”  I still think karma should bite her in the butt for that.

I think her death affected my youngest brother the most. That’s why he wants to stay in a toxic relationship when this is the worst thing he could ever do. He can’t deal with losing someone else. Its sad really. He was only fourteen and didn’t have time to learn to cope with these things adequately. I feel sorry for him.

Death is a mean mother, she takes the wrong people too soon, in most cases anyway. Some we could argue not soon enough. But when it’s a female role model the loss is greater than life itself. Thank God he gave us, “Memories.” I think it should be added to the 5 senses group. Since it plays one the the biggest parts in who we are as people.

My mother was a great strong lady. My grandmother’s were great ladies too. So when you think about your mom, grandma, aunt, cousins that pretended to be aunts but were as closer than you could ever imagine they ever could be… write down what they meant to you and let them know before they pass away.  I would love one more day with my mom to right many wrongs; to say things that I should have said when she was here. I can only pray that she knows how much I truly love her.


Loss of Mother Poem

Now that I am gone,
remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
cry with your brother or sister
who walks in grief beside you.
And when you need me,
put your arms around anyone
and give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something —
something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I’ve known
or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
as well as in your mind.
You can love me most
by letting your love reach out to our loved ones,
by embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that’s left of me is love,
give me away as best you can.

~ Author unknown


Did you have any female ancestors who died young or from tragic or unexpected circumstances? Describe and how did this affect the family?