Here are some funny quips:

* ***QUARANTINED***GENEALOGY FEVER***INCURABLE***
* A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
* A great many family trees were started by grafting.
* A miser is hard to live with, but makes a great ancestor.
* A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.
* Add to your Genealogy the fun, easy way, Have Grand Children!
* After 30 days any unclaimed ancestors will be adopted.
* Alright! Everybody out of the genetic pool!
* Always willing to share my ignorance…
* Am I the only person up my tree? Seems like it.
* Ancestors were just people…
* Any family tree produces some lemons, nuts and bad apples.
* At last a chance to make my skeletons dance!
* Baby = A new acorn on the family tree.
* Beware of the Genealogy Bug; It’s bite can be addictive!
* Biochemists wear designer genes.
* C A U T I O N ! … You have now entered the Genealogy Zone.
* Can a first cousin, once removed, return?
* Cemetery: (n) A marble orchard not to be taken for granite.
* Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.
* Cousins marrying cousins: VERY tangled roots!
* Crazy…. is a relative term in MY family.
* Cussin: what genealogists do when they can’t find one.
* Damn! My family tree was just wood-chipped.
* Death is just nature’s way of dropping carrier.
* Do I even WANT ancestors? Some I found I wish I could lose.
* Do I hear the rattle of chains?
* Do I need a Genealogical Search Warrant to see the records?
* Documentation….The is the hardest part of genealogy.
* Don’t judge me by my relatives, I didn’t choose them!
* Don’t sit under the family tree with anyone else but me!
* Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?
* Ever stop to think… and forget to start again?
* Every family tree has some sap in it.
* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
* Evolution is God’s way of issuing updates.
* Family history: a quilt work of lives.
* FLOOR: (n) The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
* Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate.
* Gene Police! You! **Out of the pool!**
* Gene-Allergy – It’s a contagious disease, but I love it!
* Genealogist caught trying to chop down family tree! — Film at 11!
* Genealogists are like monkeys, always in the trees.
* Genealogists are time unravelers.
* Genealogists diet: “Fiche and Ships topped with tantalizing Sources”!
* Genealogists do it for the memories!
* Genealogists do it generation after generation.
* Genealogists do it in the library.
* Genealogists do it off the record.
* Genealogists do it with a computer.
* Genealogist’s Hunting Season never ends!
* Genealogists live in the past lane.
* Genealogists never die, they just get filed away.
* Genealogists never die, they just haunt archives.
* Genealogists never die, they just loose their roots.
* Genealogists never lose their jobs, they just go to another branch!
* Genealogists should also consider the handsome neighbor…
* Genealogists: People helping people…..that’s what it’s all about!
* Genealogists: Time unravelers.
* Genealogy – a search for the greatest treasures – our ancestors.
* Genealogy – it’s only an obsession after all!
* Genealogy goes on… and on… and on…
* Genealogy in the buff, no…. I mean I’m a genealogy Buff!
* Genealogy is contagious – seldom fatal!
* Genealogy is great when you score!
* Genealogy is in my genes!
* Genealogy is like Hide & Seek: They Hide &…. I Seek!
* Genealogy is my hobby. I collect ancestors & descendants.
* Genealogy is not a hobby, it’s a disease!
* Genealogy is the only hobby where dead people can really excite you.
* Genealogy is T-R-E-E-rific!
* Genealogy…it’s not a hobby, it’s an obsession.
* Genealogy: A hay stack full of needles. It’s the threads I need.
* Genealogy: A search for the greatest treasures, our ancestore.
* Genealogy: Better than the best adventure game and as frustrating.
* Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!
* Genealogy: Collecting dead relatives and sometimes a live cousin!
* Genealogy: It’s all relative in the end anyway.
* Genealogy: It’s only an obsession after all!
* Genealogy: Looking for needles in haystacks.
* Genealogy: People collecting people!
* Genealogy: Search long enough and EVERYONE connects somehow.
* Genealogy: The marriage of a jigsaw puzzle to a dungeon & dragons game.
* Genealogy: Tracing descent from someone who didn’t.
* Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
* Genealogy: Where you confuse the dead and irritate the living.
* Ghosts are merely unsubstantiated roomers.
* Give me your tired, your poor … they’re genealogists!
* God gave us relatives, luckily we can choose our friends!
* God! What a mess this family’s in.
* Having children is hereditary. If your parents didn’t have you you probably won’t either!
* He ain’t heavy–He’s my brother’s aunt’s sister’s husband.
* He who dies with the most ancestors wins!
* Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
* Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Now where did my ancestors go?
* Hooked on Genealogy works for me!
* How can just one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE ??
* Hunting season is all year long in genealogy.
* I am NOT illiterate! My parents WERE SO MARRIED!!
* I checked out my family tree. Just as I thought… poison ivy!
* I collect dead relatives and sometimes a live cousin!
* I finally got it all together. Now where did I put it?
* I found a cuckoo’s nest in my family tree.
* I looked at my family tree…there were two dogs using it.
* I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
* I never steal taglines – I’m a genealogist – I just adopt them.
* I only work on Genealogy on days that end in “Y”.
* I researched my family tree… apparently I don’t exist!
* I shook my family tree, a bunch of nuts fell out.
* I should have asked them BEFORE they died!
* I think my ancestors had several “bad heir” days.
* I think my family tree is a few branches short of full bloom.
* I think that I shall never see a completed Genealogy!
* I trace my family history so I will know who to blame.
* I used to have a life, then I started doing genealogy.
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. not screaming and yelling like the passangers in his car…
* I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.
* I wonder if a “Missing Persons Bulletin” would locate my g-g-grandpa?
* I’d love to, but I’m converting from Julian to Gregorian!
* I’d rather look for dead people than have ‘em look for me.
* If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
* If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton – George Bernard Shaw
* If your family tree doesn’t fork, you might be a redneck.
* I’m always late. My ancestors must have arrived on the Juneflower.
* I’m no genealogist. … Until this year I spelled it “GeneOlogist!”
* I’m not crazy, but I may have lost my census!
* I’m not sick, I’ve just got fading genes.
* I’m not stuck, I’m ancestrally challenged.
* I’m searching for myself; have you seen me?
* I’m stuck in my family tree, and I can’t get down.
* In MY family…. CRAZY is a relative term!
* Is your family tree evergreen or deciduous?
* Isn’t genealogy fun? The answer to one problem, leads to a dozen more!
* It is hereditary in my family not to have children.
* It’s 1999. Do you know where your great-grandparents were?
* It’s a poor family that hath neither a whore or a thief.
* It’s hard to be humble with ancestors like mine!
* It’s hard to believe that someday I’ll be an ancestor.
* I’ve fallen into my family tree and I can’t get out!
* I’ve got YOUR family tree all staked out!!
* Jeanealogy: the study of LEVIS and WRANGLERS.
* Just when you think you’ve found them all, up pops another!
* Kinship: it`s all relative!
* Learn from your parents mistakes – use birth control!
* Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards.
* Life is too short and you’re dead too long.
* Life takes it’s toll. Have exact change ready!
* Life, liberty and the right to know who your ancestors are.
* Live so the preacher won’t have to lie at your funeral!
* Looking for needles in haystacks.
* Many a family tree needs trimming.
* Marriage is….. breeding in captivity!!
* May all your family trees branch toward the stars!
* May the Saint of Genealogists Bless You!
* May you ask the right question of the right person at the right time.
* Misers are hard to live with but they make great ancestors.
* Most of my family roots are underground.
* My ancestors are Copyrighted. You have my permission to use the data.
* My ancestors are hiding in a witness protection program.
* My ancestors did WHAT?!?
* My family came on the Mayflower…or was it Allied?
* My family coat of arms ties at the back…..is that normal?
* My family tree died in the last drought.
* My family tree is a few branches short! Help appreciated.
* My family tree is full of NOT holes… it’s NOT him, it’s NOT her!!!
* My family tree is in the forest, somewhere!
* My family tree is lost in the forest.
* My family tree keeps leaning to the east!!
* My family tree must have been used for firewood.
* My genes are so tight, they may stay with me forever.
* My hobby is genealogy,, and I raise dust bunnies as pets.
* My life has become one large Gedcom!!
* My problems are all relative.
* My roots only go down so far, but my branches spread forever!
* No – yes – maybe – could be – perhaps. Musings of a genealogist.
* Not tonight dear, I just got the new versions of MG & FTM!
* Nothing ventured, nothing gained, no one found!
* Okay, so I don’t descend from anyone… now what?
* Old genealogists never die, they just haunt cemeteries.
* Old genealogists never die, they just lose their census.
* Old Genealogists never die. They just haunt Archives.
* Olly, olly, oxen free! All hiding ancestors can come out NOW!
* Once I gave up on reality, I had so many more options.
* One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness, it is usually returned!
* Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.
* Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
* Others work from sun to sun! But a genealogists work is never done!!
* Pruning the Family Tree is NOT permitted!
* RELATIVES…People who come to dinner who aren’t friends.
* Remember, undocumented genealogy is mythology.
* Research: What I’m doing, when I don’t know what I’m doing.
* Researching [YOUR NAME] anytime, anywhere, any takers?
* Searching for lost relatives? Win the Lottery!
* Searching for roots beats chasing dust bunnies!
* Searching shipping records? Simply naval gazing.
* Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
* Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality.
* Sharing genealogy is a rewarding experience!
* Shh! Be vewy, vewy quiet…I’m hunting forebearers.
* Sign of a redneck: circular family tree.
* Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
* Snoopers welcome! Feel free to provide comments and relatives!
* So many ancestors…so little time!
* So many dead men! So little time!
* Someday YOU’LL be an ancestor too!
* Sometimes you find an ancestor hanging from the family tree!
* Still trying to decorate my family tree.
* Sure, a real job would be nice, but it would interfere with my genealogy!
* Take nothing but ancestors, leave nothing but records.
* That’s strange; half my ancestors are WOMEN!
* That’s the problem with the gene pool: No lifeguard.
* The black sheep keeps the best info on the family.
* The fellow who leans on his family tree may never get out of the woods.
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine!
* Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we’re all related.
* There are no answers, only cross-references.
* There is no fire, officer! I’m just chasing my ancestors!
* There is no such thing as a useless piece of information.
* There is strength them there Roots.
* They’ve said *you* are the fertilizer of your family tree!
* Time and Genealogy waits for no man.
* To a genealogist, EVERYTHING is relative!
* Trees without roots fall over.
* Try genealogy. You can’t get fired and you can’t quit!
* Warning!! There are no lifeguards in the gene pool!
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then it gets worse.
* We shall find no ancestor before his time.
* We shall gather at the river (or the genealogy library if it rains).
* What do you mean my “grandparents didn’t have any kids”?
* What do you mean my Birth Certificate expired?
* What do you mean my family tree has root rot!
* What have you done with my ancestors’ papers??
* When I searched for ancestors, I found friends!
* When marriage is outlawed only outlaws will have inlaws.
* When tracing ancestors, please stay within the lines!
* When you marry, your family tree can become a forest.
* When your mind goes blank, don’t forget to turn off the sound!
* Whoever said “seek and ye shall find” was NOT a genealogist.
* Who’s in charge of washing the Family Group Sheets?
* Why are there so many gnarled limbs on my family tree?
* With MY luck, my family tree has root-rot!
* Yikes! My genes are faded and full of holes!
* Your genealogy is never done!!